Love and Marriage... Right?

"That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's really about, really about? Loooooove!"

Oh, the sweet, sweet music and lyrics from Company. I know, I'm obsessed. But then again, I am in the show, and therefore have been thinking about the show and all of its meanings quite a bit for the past few months. And as I sit here and savor my chocolate fudge cake and triple chocolate ice cream -- leftovers from my boyfriend, Doug's, birthday -- I also think about many conversations I've had with him about the matter. See, one thing I've found over my almost six years of dating is that it really, really sucks ass to date someone, fall in love, and then break up. It's just annoying, to say the least. All that effort and work... for nothing it seems. But then, I'd like to think that I've learned life lessons and general character lessons from my previous "failures;" I'd like to think everyone does. Everyone should, anyway. If a relationship fails, stop and think about what was your fault. Something was at some point in time. What could you have done to make it work? "Nothing" is sometimes the answer, but if not, people really should try to fix in themselves what needs it -- for future relationships, but also, I think, for one's own personal development.

Now that that lecture's out of the way... Marriage. What about it? Why is marriage so... scary. In a society where it's the most expected step in life -- other than death and bearing children (kids are another blog post another time) -- so many people talk about marriage like it's this odd, foreign word which means "changes everything" and "loss of freedom" and other, frankly, stupid intonations. When one looks at the basics of a married couple, it usually follows as: a couple which lives together, sleeps together, and when able, eats together. The couple shares bills accordingly, may or may not have children or pets, and they (again, in an "ideal" and basic marriage) are exclusive to each other in a spoken and unspoken way where as their love continues to grow and mature over time, they are still obligated to each other and their families.

K. That's nice. Now, as of this moment, I don't have a job. I'm a student and do shows and film... it's your basic excuse train, but I do work full-time in the summer, and will year-round once I actually graduate. So, lets say that day comes, and I now have an income on which I can actually support myself. I now help pay the bills with my boyfriend. Now, our relationship is exactly as described above -- except, we're not legally bound to each other. Nor do I have a rock on my left ring finger. So, I guess the stump that keeps stopping me is what the hell the difference is between the two relationships. What's the difference between being married and not being married? "When you're married, you're obligated, but not just out of love" was one way my boyfriend tried to explain it to me. "Like right now, I like your family, but once we're married, I'm obligated to them, whether or not I want to be. If I want to simply not show up on Christmas, I can't." To which I asked, "Why not?" He just shook his head and let out an exasperated sigh. "Didn't you say once that there shouldn't be a change after getting married? That marriage shouldn't change things?" is what I reminded him of. "Yes, but it's different when it comes to obligations."

Oh. Obligations. That's certainly a scary word if I ever heard one. However, that stump's still there for me, because to me, love shouldn't change, even when legalities and statuses and titles do. (I never planned to change my name when I got married, so I didn't list names as one of the changes.) To me, if you love someone, you're obligated to them no matter what. Even if their family does bug you. Even if they do have bad morning breath, don't leave any clean towels hanging up after showering, or any other little annoyance one can only experience from living with someone -- you still stay with them and support them and obligate yourself to them. All because you love that person. So, to me, if you love someone, truly, and want to devote your life to them, logically, in most cases, the next step would be marriage. Not because you need to, but because you want to. Because you want to publicly announce to the world just how much you love this person: to obligate yourself to them until death parts you from them. To me, you don't need a legal document to state this or prove this. In fact, I've seen the opposite.

Many people use marriage as a way to legally stay with someone, but still fuck around. Still cheat on their partner, abuse them in some way, or just to get the few legal benefits left from being married. They don't take it seriously. And by taking it seriously, I mean actually do what they promised to do -- even before marriage. You don't ask someone to marry you, or say "yes" to an engagement without promising yourself to that person right then and there. If you have any idea of what the ceremonial vows are, then I think you understand what you're getting yourself into before it's legal. So why the hell do things change? If you love someone enough to actually go through with it, it doesn't make sense that love that true won't actually last. Why would someone need the wedding band and the status and the paperwork to make them want to stay with someone and obligate themself to that person. Why isn't love enough? That's my question: why isn't love ever enough?

I don't need to get married to be with someone for the rest of my life. I'm not religious in any way, will never change my name, and hate the government as is for outlawing gay marriage, so fuck them for wanting to give me any benefits anyway. All I need is to know that I love him, and he loves me. And more importantly: that we love each other enough to get through absolutely anything and to still support each other, no matter what. No matter what. If love is unconditional, you have to include the "no matter what." If love truly is unconditional, no title is needed. No paperwork. No ring. If love is real, you may want to have a huge wedding just to show the world how you've found your match -- but you certainly do not need it to make it so. I want to get married, but only for the last reason: to simply say to the world, "look at what I've found!" I don't need that title. If I love someone that much, that's all I'll ever need. And, no, I haven't been married. But I have loved. And I've seen marriages fail as well as succeed. And I think I'm still stuck at that stump: it's really just about love. That's what it's all about, isn't it?

Company!!!

"Company! Lots of company! Life is company! Love is Company! COMPANY!!!!!"

Lyrics from our opening number ring in my ears tonight as I settle down at home, just having finished rehearsal from -- you guessed it! -- the Sondheim musical Company. Of course, we didn't practice that number today; instead we did the opening for the second act, "Side by Side." My God I love that song!! Depending on my mood either that or "Being Alive" would be my favorite from the show. I really do love this show. Really. The closing number, "Being Alive," has so much wisdom and hope to it, and practically brings me to tears every time I hear it. But then "Side by Side" is so much fun to sing and perform and dance! God I love this show!

Of course I'm tired, and because I'm not a dancer, have been and still am struggling with the not-too complex dance steps we have throughout the show. Not even going into the fact that I'm not a singer first and foremost, and so sometimes I struggle with reaching the right pitch, too. BUT: this show is going to be really good -- and I'm aware that I'm a part of that melt-in-your mouth goodness. And I'm really happy about it. :-) So happy, in fact, that it's currently helping me overlook my sore throat and that impending feeling of "Shit, I think I have a fever." Damn this weather!!

So.... How's Life?

How's life? Well... For starters, this blog is in existence because of my Writing for the Web class at IUS. I for the most part hate computers, and from what I can tell, the feeling's mutual on their part. Though, I think this is something that could be healthy -- for many reasons. One, I want to market the show I'm currently in at IUS, as well as the film I'm currently surviving. Two, I can share my opinions and thoughts even more! Three, I imagine this will provide therapeutic venting as I talk about my week to an online audience. Yay, creative therapy!